The Whole Story

I've been working on catching up on my blog, so please excuse me while I do a current post right now. I have some posts that I need to back date to completely catch up, but I just had to get this off my chest while it is on my mind and heavy on my heart.

I got a comment on here just a few minutes ago. On my post where I announced that I am pregnant. And it made me cry. It made me sad. It made me wonder why people judge without knowing the whole story.

I've been thinking a lot whether or not to post about our pregnancy story. It's very near and dear to my heart, and has been one of the most spiritual experiences I've had in my life before. I hesitate only because it is a personal, spiritual experience, and I know that some people that may read here may not share the same faith as me. I would hate for someone to discount my faith and my beliefs and make little of something that is close to me. But after that comment, I decided that I do need to share.

So here it is - the whole story.

Josh and I have loved being parents. Abbi is the greatest thing that has ever come into our lives, and I cannot imagine being happy without her. We've both said many times that if we knew how wonderful being parents was going to be, we would have started a long time ago! Since neither of us are spring chickens, we decided to try to have our kids about 2 years apart. That way, we could complete our family before our late 30s. But when it came time to start trying for #2, we found ourselves in a situation that wasn't particularly ideal. Josh was unemployed, and life was hard. We tried for a few months with nothing happening. And then one month, a particularly hard month, we both sat down and had the discussion - now was not the time to be bringing a child into this world. We were barely making it on our own. There really was no way to have a baby in these circumstances.

That night, I cried. I was sad. Sad because of the situation, sad becasue our plan wasn't working out like it was supposed to. But while I was busy being sad, a scripture that Josh had read outloud the previous morning - well before our conversation - kept coming into my mind:

And it came to pass that I, Nephi, said unto my father: I will go and do
the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no
commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them.
(1 Nephi 3:7)

At first, I didn't realize why this kept coming to my mind. But after a few moments of being stubborn, it made more sense. In our church, we believe that we are supposed to bring children to this earth, that it is all part of the Plan of Salvation. It is a commandment. When I put 2 and 2 together, I prayed. And then I knew. I knew - plain as day - that we were not supposed to wait. I knew that there was a child up there waiting to come to us. Not waiting until next month, or next year, but now. And I knew that Heavenly Father would "prepare a way."

So needless to say, without really trying, 2 weeks later I learned that I was pregnant. And honestly, I wouldn't have even had to take a pregnancy test - I already knew that I was pregnant. I knew that this baby was sent to us at the right time. Even though the timing seems so wrong because of the situtation we are in, Heavenly Father knows that the time is right.

Now, I'm not perfect, and this has truly been a trial of my faith. I know that I need to have faith that everything will work out, and some days I really struggle with that, but I can't doubt the divine circumstances in which this baby is coming to us.

The comment that I received, (which I deleted because this is my happy place and I really don't want things that make me cry on this blog), commented about how we are being irresponsible and how it's not right that the taxpayers are going to have to pay for this baby. I just want to point out (and maybe I'm being prideful and shouldn't even care what people think), that I have my own private insurance, that I have been paying for since I lost my insurance at my last job. I am paying for this baby, the government is not. I am not on food stamps, and I recieve no government assistance. I am working. Yes, it is only part time, but I took what I could get. I also make a small amount of money from my food blog and from my photography. We live in an old, small house, we do not spend lavishly. We are doing everything in our power to get out of this situation. Josh has several job interviews set up this week, and hopefully, we'll be up and back on our feet long before this baby comes. So no, I don't think we are being irresponsible at all. And no, the taxpayers are not going to pay for this baby. And yes, the situation isn't ideal, but it is right. Maybe everyone won't agree, but I know it is right, and that is all that matters to me.