Friday, March 4, 2016
Abbi looks forward to the daddy daughter dance so much every year - she seriously talks about it for weeks leading up to it. The day finally came - I let her choose what she wanted to wear from top to bottom - including on how to do her hair. I'm mad at myself for not taking a picture of her hair! Her hair is sometimes hard to do because it's so thick and curly, but I thought her bow hairdo ended up turning out pretty well. :) They had a great time! They had fun at the dance, and then stopped for ice cream at the grocery store on the way home. I'm sure she's already looking forward to next year!
Wednesday, March 2, 2016
I had to go out to run some errands, and when I pulled back up to the house, there was a surprise waiting in the yard. The Activity Days girls had made all of these signs for Easton and had stuck them all over the front yard with forks. I don't know why, but these simple gestures are the ones that have really meant so much to me. I immediately started crying and went inside to get Easton to show him. I wasn't sure how he'd react (he doesn't always like the attention) but he was so happy. He immediately called the yellow smily face his favorite and wanted his picture taken with that one.
I am so touched by all of the kindness that we have been shown. There is definitely a lot of love being felt!
Tuesday, March 1, 2016
Today was good for my soul.
I've been having a hard time finding my "place" in this whole ordeal. I have known from the beginning that my job is to stay strong for Easton. To be there for him. And to not be angry or hateful or sad or scared - these are things that I never want Easton to see out of me. It doesn't mean I'm not feeling them, but I know that I don't want any of those negative emotions to affect Easton or our home.
Several days ago, a lady added me to a Facebook page that is for moms of kids with cancer. This is where the whole thing about having a hard time finding my place comes in. I know that these women are feeling a lot of the same thing I am. And I know there is probably a lot of helpful information that is discussed. But I don't want feel scared. I don't want to be angry. I don't want to go around with this hatred in my heart for cancer, because I know that it won't change our situation. It will just make me angry. But a lot of those emotions will rub off on you if others are experiencing them.
Well, last night, I was working, and I clicked onto Facebook to schedule a post for work. But there on my home feed was a post from that cancer group. A 2 year old boy, diagnosed after Easton with the same kind of leukemia, had passed away earlier that day due to complications from the leukemia.
I literally gasped. And then completely lost it. That night, I probably cried harder than I have through all of this so far. Maybe it's because I wasn't having to be strong for Easton. But I think it mostly scared me and pushed me into a reality that I don't dare even consider. I immediately went upstairs to check on Easton. I couldn't work anymore, but then I just laid in bed and cried. I couldn't sleep - all I could do was feel this sadness and fear.
So needless to say, I was a bit of a basket case today. I'm trying to push that fear back out of me - I don't want it. I don't want to live every day in fear of what this all could bring. I have faith. I have hope. I have felt it since that first night when we were all given blessings by the bishopric. That's what I want to feel.
So gratefully, Easton had a really good day today. He was sitting up playing x-box most of the day, which is an improvement over him just wanting to lay on the couch and watch cartoons half-heartedly. And then he asked to go on another walk. And he played enough at the park that his legs started to give out on him. (The steroids that he was on weakened his legs and hips, so walking is a little bit difficult right now. I carry him a lot. I can't wait for his strength to return.)
And he laughed. Oh, how this boy has started laughing again. SO much more than he has for months. That is what I want to hold onto.
I'm going to keep praying for days like today, and I know we'll make it through just fine.
Friday, December 11, 2015
Earlier this week, Max started acting like something was wrong - I was afraid it was his back, and he was scaring me, so I ended up taking him to the vet. They couldn't find anything, and gave him some medicine that would help if his back was hurting. A few days later, he was still pretty bad, so I ended up taking him back in for xrays. They still couldn't find anything definitive, but they had to put him under to do the xrays. We had planned on going to the lights at temple square, but didn't want to leave Max at home alone after being under, so we decided to wait until next week. Instead, I took the kids out for pizza. We tried a new place down the street from us and had a good time!!