Wednesday, September 15, 2010

The Whole Story

I've been working on catching up on my blog, so please excuse me while I do a current post right now. I have some posts that I need to back date to completely catch up, but I just had to get this off my chest while it is on my mind and heavy on my heart.

I got a comment on here just a few minutes ago. On my post where I announced that I am pregnant. And it made me cry. It made me sad. It made me wonder why people judge without knowing the whole story.

I've been thinking a lot whether or not to post about our pregnancy story. It's very near and dear to my heart, and has been one of the most spiritual experiences I've had in my life before. I hesitate only because it is a personal, spiritual experience, and I know that some people that may read here may not share the same faith as me. I would hate for someone to discount my faith and my beliefs and make little of something that is close to me. But after that comment, I decided that I do need to share.

So here it is - the whole story.

Josh and I have loved being parents. Abbi is the greatest thing that has ever come into our lives, and I cannot imagine being happy without her. We've both said many times that if we knew how wonderful being parents was going to be, we would have started a long time ago! Since neither of us are spring chickens, we decided to try to have our kids about 2 years apart. That way, we could complete our family before our late 30s. But when it came time to start trying for #2, we found ourselves in a situation that wasn't particularly ideal. Josh was unemployed, and life was hard. We tried for a few months with nothing happening. And then one month, a particularly hard month, we both sat down and had the discussion - now was not the time to be bringing a child into this world. We were barely making it on our own. There really was no way to have a baby in these circumstances.

That night, I cried. I was sad. Sad because of the situation, sad becasue our plan wasn't working out like it was supposed to. But while I was busy being sad, a scripture that Josh had read outloud the previous morning - well before our conversation - kept coming into my mind:

And it came to pass that I, Nephi, said unto my father: I will go and do
the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no
commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them.
(1 Nephi 3:7)

At first, I didn't realize why this kept coming to my mind. But after a few moments of being stubborn, it made more sense. In our church, we believe that we are supposed to bring children to this earth, that it is all part of the Plan of Salvation. It is a commandment. When I put 2 and 2 together, I prayed. And then I knew. I knew - plain as day - that we were not supposed to wait. I knew that there was a child up there waiting to come to us. Not waiting until next month, or next year, but now. And I knew that Heavenly Father would "prepare a way."

So needless to say, without really trying, 2 weeks later I learned that I was pregnant. And honestly, I wouldn't have even had to take a pregnancy test - I already knew that I was pregnant. I knew that this baby was sent to us at the right time. Even though the timing seems so wrong because of the situtation we are in, Heavenly Father knows that the time is right.

Now, I'm not perfect, and this has truly been a trial of my faith. I know that I need to have faith that everything will work out, and some days I really struggle with that, but I can't doubt the divine circumstances in which this baby is coming to us.

The comment that I received, (which I deleted because this is my happy place and I really don't want things that make me cry on this blog), commented about how we are being irresponsible and how it's not right that the taxpayers are going to have to pay for this baby. I just want to point out (and maybe I'm being prideful and shouldn't even care what people think), that I have my own private insurance, that I have been paying for since I lost my insurance at my last job. I am paying for this baby, the government is not. I am not on food stamps, and I recieve no government assistance. I am working. Yes, it is only part time, but I took what I could get. I also make a small amount of money from my food blog and from my photography. We live in an old, small house, we do not spend lavishly. We are doing everything in our power to get out of this situation. Josh has several job interviews set up this week, and hopefully, we'll be up and back on our feet long before this baby comes. So no, I don't think we are being irresponsible at all. And no, the taxpayers are not going to pay for this baby. And yes, the situation isn't ideal, but it is right. Maybe everyone won't agree, but I know it is right, and that is all that matters to me.


Cassie said...

I'm so sorry someone decided to make a comment like that, Deborah. Clearly that person hasn't been reading your blog for long, or doesn't read it at ALL, and they have no idea what a selfless, caring person you are and how much you love your daughter and your unborn child...and Josh! Some people were just meant to be mothers, and although we've never met in person, I can just tell that you are one of those people. Clearly God thinks so too. You shouldn't have to justify yourself to anyone, much less someone who doesn't know the entire story.

I'm so happy for you, and I hope that your own happiness hasn't been tainted by one small-minded, thoughtless person.

Michelle said...

Deborah, you have got to be kidding me that someone would make a comment like! You are one of the most RESPONSIBLE people that I know. I hope they read this comment - because being one of your best friends I feel offended for you! People who feel the need to leave comments like that are so messed up. You know me when I'm mad...and I'm mad! I don't know this Cassie person, but I really like her! You truly were meant to be a momma, and you and Josh still make me sick because of how in love you are! I love it! Good job on making another baby! :)

Michelle said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Michelle said...

my long comment just got published twice, that's why i deleted one :o

Kenna said...

Ohh I am so angry. I hate rude comments.
I am glad you shared your experience and your story.
Your daughter Abbi is adorable and you and your hubs are great parents. So what if you don't have lots of money to bring this baby into the world, you have lots of love to give, and thats what really counts.
Congrats on the pregnancy! Good luck!

Abby said...

Unbelievable. That's one of the reasons I hate the Internet (and that I made my personal blog private.) People just have no sense of moral value or personal responsibility and believe that the web is their dumping ground.

You're such a good mama! And one of the sweetest food bloggers I know. I know it's hard not to take it personally, but they don't know what's going on in your life. Be like a duck and let that comment roll of your back.

I'd pray for them. Sounds like they need it.

Kenna said...

The Gift of Life

Heaven sent
angelic and sweet
a bundle of joy
so precious and meek

An answered prayer
a soul with a seed
to grow for God
and live for a need

Works of Almighty
from up above
meant to be
meant to love

For you alone
are proof to show
there is a Lord
we all must know

The Waite Family said...

This made me cry for you-I love you and miss you so much I want to smack that person! You and your family are the most faithful people I know and this little baby is so lucky to be comming to you.

MontyFam said...

Hi Deborah! I'm Amy's cousin and saw your blog from hers. I just read about your experience and I appreciate you sharing it. I'm just sorry that it was because of someone's thoughtless comment. We tried for 6 years and finally had our twins with the help of a fertility dr. Thanks to a c-section they were able to see what the problem was and fixed it. We were surprised to have a little girl just 17 months later and are expecting another little girl next month. We'll have 4 children 3 1/2 and under. We did not have the luxery of spacing them out more since I'm almost 40 and pregnancy gets harder the older you get. I've been shocked at some people's nerve to make comments about having our children so close together. It really hurts, because like you said, they don't know the whole story. They don't know how long we struggled and how blessed we are to have any at all. I cried too when I read your post. I just get so emotional hearing about other's experiences with pregnancy and stuff. You are doing what YOU know is best for YOU and your family and following Heavenly Father's plan. That's all that matters : )

Katrina said...

Well, I missed the post where you announced you were pregnant. Congratulations.
Great post, Deborah. Being LDS I can totally see and understand your perspective. And I find it annoying that others have to share theirs.
Enjoy this pregnancy. You're right, the Lord will provide when you're doing what you're supposed to do!

I've told you before, but LOVE seeing pictures of Abbi--she's so flippin' cute. I've loved watching her grow and can't wait to see another.

Betty said...

Deborah...I was so sorry to hear of the rude and inconsiderate comment made concerning your preganancy!! I so enjoy getting to know your little Abbi through your blog. You and Josh are wonderful parents and deserve the opportunity to love this new little one. Try not to dwell on what this unfeeling person wrote on your blog. If they thought to be a friend...they are wrong!! I will be looking forward to reading more about you and your family in the months to come.
Love you,
Aunt Betty

Mandy said...

Ditto to what everyone else has said! I too missed the announcement (I'm way behind on all my blog reading, I apologize) so, first off...CONGRATULATIONS!! What wonderful news!! You are so awesome and responsible and you don't have to explain anything to anyone, although I loved reading your story. Your little one (soon to be plural) are so blessed to have you as a mother!

Syndi said...

I love ya Deborah! I am glad that you have faith and are willing to take that unsure step! You are amazing and I am so happy for you and Josh.

Claire said...

I am so sorry that someone made that comment. There is no foundation for what they said. Just know that you are being responsible to provide for your family as your need to...and ENJOY this time! Congrats!!!